Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
