I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Randomize
