I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
