I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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