She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
