ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
