Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
