Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
