i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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