Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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