very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
