The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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