did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry about my life...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
