Kiss
Puke
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize