So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
