I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
