he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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