Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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