..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
