For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
