she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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