I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize