I want to have your abortion
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
even my farts smell like vagina
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
