Tell her she can't have a vagina
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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