I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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