Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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