I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
