he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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