mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
