i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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