he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
