you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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