the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
