thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
