If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
