you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
