Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
