worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
