i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
