woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
