about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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