On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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