I hate your face
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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