Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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