There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
