I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
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well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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