There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
