The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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