I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pants are for mortals
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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