There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
