if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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