Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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