Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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