The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
