I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
