It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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