Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
