Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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