made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the condom got lost in my hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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