Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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