i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
