how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
