she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
