my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
