Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
