I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
