She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
