Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
