The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
