my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
