Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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