Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
