don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
