She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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