he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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