btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
